All right, this one has been kicking around my head for two years, but I still don’t have all the details right. Maybe some of you can help us out….

George W. Bush is dejected, faced with historically high levels of disapproval, the failure of nearly all of his policies, and the possibility that he will be remembered as the worst president in history. He mountain bikes over to a bridge crossing the Potomac and thinks about throwing himself in, saying “things would be better if I’d never been born”, when his guardian angel, Clarence Thomas, appears and shows him what the world would be if he really had never been born.

They walk back into Washington and find that it’s been renamed “Cheneyville”, that the White House is now office buildings for Enron. Bush says “I wanted to rename it Freedomville, at least Jesusland, what happened? And didn’t Enron go out of business?” The angel tells him “But you see, George, you were never born. Dick Cheney became president in 2000. And when he did, he gave Enron the contract for the entire country’s electricity. Those lights you see flickering in the distance aren’t Christmas decorations, they’re a rolling brown-out.”

“Well,” George says, “things haven’t changed much, this is still a dangerous world. It’s a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses. The energy crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants. Anyways, I’m gonna go get me a burger.”

But the burger place he used to go to is now the Halliburton Exotic Dance Club, where Jeff Gannon is performing. “But Jeff, you’re supposed to be in the White House briefing room.” “No, George,” the angel tells him, “remember.” “No offense meant, Jeffie G,” George says apologetically, “I know how hard it is to put food on your family these days.”

A heavy man with a receding hair line and Tennessee drawl man walks in to the club and tries to explain to the bar about the dangers of global warming — the ruddy-faced bartender turns a hose on him and says, “Goodness gracious, you go to work with the climate you have, not the climate you wish you had. And why didn’t you tell us about this before the whole East Coast was under water?” Bush cries “Rummy, cut it out. Al Gore made a movie about global warming years ago. Stop kidding, fool me once — you can’t get fooled again.” But Clarence tells him “George, that movie never was never made. Cheney had Gore thrown in jail before he finished filming it.”

George shrugs, smirks and says “The decisions we make in Washington have a direct impact on the people in our country, obviously. I’m gonna go find Laura: The best thing about my family is my wife. She is a great first lady. I know that sounds not very objective, but that’s how I feel.” Just then, a sad-looking sixty year-old librarian trudges into a decrepit apartment building. “Laura! It’s me!”, Bush cries, as the woman scurries away in fear. “She doesn’t know you, George,” Clarence tells him.

At this point George is so distraught, he runs through DC back to the bridge where he had decided to end it all, praying with all his might, “I wanna live, please Jesus, my Lord, my personal Saviour, my favorite philosopher, I want to live.”

Alberto Gonzales arrives on the bridge, searching for the president. George is disoriented and goes to swing at him. Alberto says “Hey George, What’s got into you? You look like a crazy man. Keep this up and you might end up in a secret prison. ” George, surprised, says, “You know me Bert? You KNOW me?? Merry Christmas Bert, Merry Christmas.”

George and Bert return to the White House where everyone has gathered, worried about George’s whereabouts, and have been spending their time coercing the congress to declare war on Iran to boost George’s approval ratings as a war president once again. The movie ends as all the leaders of the foreign nations, supporting George’s new war of aggression, gather and sing “Auld Lang Syne”. George, surrounded by family and friends notices a bell on the Christmas tree jingling. “Look, Daddy!” Jenna says, “every time a bell rings, a habeas corpus petition gets rejected. ” Winking, George says “Atta boy Clarence, atta boy.”